Evolve

 promised land

you’re taking up lots of space
your shit is everywhere
your breath is all up in my face
your hands are swarming in the air
you’re the first one out the car and then
you’re the loudest one in the bar
tell me, is there something wrong, girlfriend?
what’s with this new version of who you are?

so she lifts her chin and squints at me
to assess what i think i know
she says, my heart has some dangerous neighborhoods
so beware where you try to go
they say that the truth will set you free
but then so will a lie
it depends if you’re trying to get to the promised land
or you’re just trying to get by

what is a camera but a box of light?
what is a guitar but a box of sound?
you think i don’t understand
but i think i might
what it is to harness the emptiness
and just ride it around
and maybe your chest is an empty shell
with ribs of spiraling coral
where a perfect pearl of sadness resides
but if you ever need an ear
i could just come and press it there
listen to the sound of the ocean inside
 
in the way

no you didn’t just leave
i actually kicked you out
i couldn’t hardly believe
that the words came out my mouth
you couldn’t hardly believe
what you heard yourself discuss
as you packed up all your things
and you said goodbye to us

tell me, what is in the way
in the way of my love for you?
there’s something in the way
in the way of my love

so now there’s nothing left to lose
and the screen just says fini
each night in separate rooms
we cry separately
and every day we yell
down each other’s holes
two slippery strippers
swinging round two poles

tell me, what is in the way
in the way of my love for you?
what is in the way
in the way of my love
i gotta get it out the way
out the way of my love for you
there’s something in the way
in the way of my love

we took down all the pictures
then we took down all the walls
packed up our expectations
piled em up in the hall
we bagged our future
and kicked it to the curb
then we stood there unencumbered
and we stood there undeterred
cuz we were done clinging
to the things
we were afraid to lose
and the only thing left
was a breathtaking view
and you looked at me
and i looked at you
and you said
how bout now, baby
now what you wanna do?

now there’s nothing in the way
in the way of my love for you
no, there’s nothing in the way
in the way of my love
i had to get it out the way
out the way of my love for you
there was something in the way
in the way of my love

no you didn’t just leave




icarus

seems like you just started noticing
how noticeably bad things really are
and then you walk past this couple arguing
in a rolled up window parked car
an all that gesticulated bitterness
an alla that muffled yelling hell
it’s like it just starts wafting at you
like a big furry rat died inside of that wall kinda smell

bad dreams like this roll in like a cold front
thunderous thunder and lightning in tow
and your tiny little life gets even smaller
as you heed the heavens’ mighty show
an i don’t mean heaven like godlike
cuz the animal i am knows very well
that nature is our teacher and our mother
and god is just another story that we tell

you’re trying not to grasp
not to start grasping
at straws or sticks or stones
trying to learn to just sit inside your sadness
even if you’re sitting there alone
cuz just like icarus ascending
never intending to look back
nature’s law and your tragic flaw
are vying to send you flying into the arms of another venus fly trap
guzzle till the buzzing stops
guzzle till the buzzing stops
guzzle till the buzzing stops



slide

she was hungry so hungry
she was trying to think clear
she kept opening the fridge door
looking at the mustard and the beer
then finally she went out into the rain
carrying her bicycle chain
and her feet worked the pedals
while her appetite steered

after that she just followed her nose
and fate is not just whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows

she laid down in her party dress and never got up
needless to say she missed the party
she just got sad
then she got stuck
she was wincing like something brittle trying hard to bend
she was numb with the terror of losing her best friend
but we never see things changing
we only see them ending

and some vicious whispering voice
keeps saying you have no choice
you have no choice

cuz when i look at you i squint
you are that beautiful
and my pussy is a tractor
and this is a tractor pull
i’m haunted by my illicit, explicit dreams
and i can’t really wake up
so i just drift in between
thinking the glass is half empty
and thinking it’s not quite full

the pouring rain is no place for a bicycle ride
try to hit the brakes
and you slide
and you slide
and you slide


 
o my my

your body
foreshortened
below
your shoulders
your face
so close
it’s out
of focus
way down
the hallway
comes the sound
of your shoes
that is what i
what i think about
when i think about
you

if we let our love
off of its leash
do you fear, like i fear
how fierce it would be?

your headlights
sweeping
across my
ceiling
the breadth of
my smile now
the depth of
my feeling
way down in my dark life
a shaft of your light
shines through
and that is what i
what i think about
when i think about
you

if we let our love
off of its leash
do you fear, like i fear
how fierce it would be?

o my my
 
evolve

i walk in stride with people
much taller than me
and partly it’s the boots but
mostly it’s my chi
and i’m becoming transfixed
with nature and my part in it
which i believe just signifies i’m finally waking up

and there’s this moth outside my kitchen door
she’s bonkers for that bare bulb
flying round in circles
bashing in her exoskull
out in the woods she navigates fine by the moon
but get her around a light bulb and she’s doomed

she is trying to evolve
she’s just trying to evolve

now let’s get talking reefer madness like:
some arrogant government can’t
by any stretch of the imagination
outlaw a plant!
yes, their supposed authority over nature
is a dream
c’mon people, we’ve got to come clean

cuz they are locking our sons
and our daughters in cages
they are taking by the thousands
our lives from under us
it’s a crash course in religious fundamentals
now let’s all go to war
get some bang for our buck

i am trying to evolve
i’m just trying to evolve

gunnin for high score in the land of dreams
morbid bluish-white consumers ogling luminous screens
on the trail of forgetting cruising without a care
the jet set won’t abide by that pesky jet lag
and our lives boil down to an hour or two
when someone pulls a camera
out of a bag

and i am trying to evolve
i’m just trying to evolve

so i walk like i’m on a mission
cuz that’s the way i groove
i got more and more to do
i got less and less to prove
it took me too long to realize
that i don’t take good pictures
cuz i have the kind of beauty
that moves
 
shrug

what’s with that halo hovering
above that thick skull
spare me
if i do say so, i think you’re covering
course there was nothing
could’ve prepared me

for the side effect of this dirty drug
the way you punish me and then you shrug

what’s with that phone call, baby?
it’s like you’re trying
just trying to crush me
do you feel stronger each time you push me, dear?
did you tell your mom you carpet bombed
before you left here

and is it just the side effect of this dirty drug
or does each apology sound more like a shrug

are you at home now with your kitty cats
are you just at home now with the way that you act
do you split the rent there with all your secrets
or do you just pretend to all your friends
they’re uninvited guests
yes
and when you want it tidy tell me
can you still dispel me?
sweep me neatly under the rug
does your conscience ever mention
the way that you treat me
or do you just fend it off with a

 
phase

i’ll be your biggest fan
i will be your fool
i’ll be your exception
to whatever the rule
an i ain’t the type to bitch
i ain’t the type to cry
i’ll sit at your red light and wait
for your shit to go by
and this vague little smile
is my all-purpose expression
the meaning of which
i will leave to your discretion

my distraction’s my defense
against a lack of inspiration
against a slow leak deflation
the further the horizon
the more it holds my gaze
and the foreground’s out of focus
but, you know, i kinda hope it’s just a phase

i’ve been through and through this
i know just how it goes
you’ll have no idea
you’ll have no need to know
cuz i will make your body
grow wings and take flight
i will erase sound
i will erase light
and this vague little smile
is my all-purpose expression
the meaning of which
i’ll leave to your discretion

my distraction’s my defense
against a lack of inspiration
against a slow leak deflation
the further the horizon
the more it holds my gaze
and the foreground’s out of focus
but, you know, i kinda hope it’s just a phase
 
here for now

i bet you’re wondering
if you woke up today
just to learn why the caged bird sings
i bet you’re wondering if the goddesses are all crazy
or just keeping it interesting
situated slightly outside society
at odds with its odd offerings
i bet you’re teetering on the edge of sobriety
just to alleviate a few things

like the fear that you’re standing here
cuz you want to be liked
you know you need your instrument –
but does your instrument need to be miked?

you keep imagining that pretty soon you will just disappear
and thinking that one thing is what saves you from your fear of being here
here for now
here for now
here for now

i bet you’re looking for the little red x next to the red arrow
and the words ‘you are here’
i bet you’re hoping that your heart will send up the white flag this time
or some sign that the coast is clear
yeah, the moment when your heart jumps it’s all that’s happening
and once again, it’s like the first time you’ve felt that shock
the moment when your heart jumps it’s all that’s happening
and i was right behind the door when you knocked

thinking maybe i’m just standing here
cuz i want to be liked
i know i need my instrument –
but does my instrument need to be miked?

i keep imagining that pretty soon i will just disappear
and thinking that one thing is what saves me from my fear of being here
here for now
here for now
here for now
 
second intermission

second intermission
anticipation
you know the third act
small talk drops out of the play
you’re standing in the lobby
tightening your tourniquet
waiting for it
waiting for it
and then the bell sounds
and the lights flash
and there’s all these questions milling around
and there’s no time to ask

no bliss for little miss leading
she’s learning about bleeding
but what is love if not exquisite?
our only saving grace (or is it)
and somewhere inside your iris
blooms the reflection of my surprise
as you stroll past every last do not enter
and touch me at my epicenter
and the bell sounds
and the lights flash
and there’s all these questions milling around
and there’s no time to ask

i’m always trying to get there
i never really get there
to that quiet place where i accept myself
instead i’m deep inside some high school
locker room no clothing
popping the zits of my self-loathing under fluorescent lights
and the bell sounds
and the lights flash
and there’s all these questions milling around
and you’re too ashamed to ask

second intermission
anticipation
you know the third act
small talk drops out of the play
you’re standing in the lobby
tightening your tourniquet
waiting for it
waiting for it

 
serpentine

pavlov hits me with more bad news
every time i answer the phone
so i play and i sing and i just let it ring
all day when i’m at home
a defacto choice of macro
or microcosmic melancholy
but, baby, any way you slice it
i’m thinkin i could just as soon use the time alone

yes, the goons have gone global
and the CEOs are shredding files
and the democrins and the republicrats
are flashing their toothy smiles
and uncle tom is posing for a photo op
with the oval office clan
and uncle sam is rigging cockfights
in the promised land
and that knife you stuck in my back is still there
it pinches a little when i sigh and moan
and these days i’m thinkin i could just as soon use
the time alone

cuz all the wrong people have the power
of suggestion
and the freedom of the press is meaningless
if nobody asks a question
i mean, causation by definition
is such a complex compilation of factors
that to even try to say why is to oversimplify
but that’s a far cry, isn’t it dear?
from acting like you’re the only one there
unrepentantly self-centered and unfair

enter all suckers scrambling for the scoop
exit mr. eye contact
who took his flirt and flew the coop
but whatever
no matter
no fishin trips
no fishin
mamma’s officially out of commission
and did i mention
in there
somewhere
did i mention
somewhere
in there
that i traded babe ruth?
yes, i traded the only player that was bigger than the game
and i can’t even tell you why
cuz you’d think i’m insane
and that’s the truth

and the music industry mafia is pimping girl power
sniping off sharpshooter singles from their styrofoam towers
and hip hop is tied up in the back room
with a logo stuffed in its mouth
cuz the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house
but then
i’m getting away from myself
as i get closer and closer to home
and the difference between
you and me baby
is i get fucked up when i’m alone

and i must admit
today my inner pessimist
seems to have got the best of me
we start out sugared up on kool-aid and manifest destiny
and we memorize all the president’s names
like little trained monkeys
and then we’re spit into the world
so many spinny-eyed t.v. junkies
incapable of unravelling the military industrial mystery
preemptively pacified with history book history
and i’ve been around the world now
and i can see this about america:
the mind control is steep here, man
the myopia is deep here

and behold
those that try to expose the reality
who really try to realize democracy
are shot with rubber bullets and gassed off the streets
while the global power brokers are kept clean and discreet
behind a wall
behind a moat
and that is all
that’s all she wrote

and my heart beats an sss o o o sss
cuz folks just couldn’t care care care less less less
as long as every day is superbowl sunday
and larger than life women in lingerie
are pouting at us from every bus stop
shelovesme shelovesmenot shelovesme shelovesmenot...

“big government should not stand between a man and his money”
 “what’s good for business is good for the country”

our children still take that lie like communion
the same old line the confederacy used on the union

conjugate liberty
into libertarian
and medicate it
associate it
with deregulation
privatization
we won’t even know we’re slaves
on a corporate plantation
somebody say hallelujah!
somebody say damnation!
cuz the profit system follows the path of least resistance
and the path of least resistance
is what makes the river crooked
makes it serpentine
capitalism is the devil’s wet dream
so just give me my judy garland drugs
and let me get back to work
cuz the empire state building
is the tallest building in new york
and i always got the feeling
you just liked to hear it fall
off your tongue
but i remember my name
in your mouth
and i don’t think i was done
hearing it close to my ear
on a whisper’s way to a moan
but pavlov hits me with more bad news
every time i answer the phone
so i play and i sing and i just let it ring
all day when i’m at home

a defacto choice of macro
or microcosmic melancholy
but baby, any way you slice it
i’m thinkin i could just as soon use
the time alone

 
welcome to:

welcome to
no amount of stoned makes you feel ok
welcome to
this year’s alone – brought to you by christmas daywelcome tohe darkness into which praying people pray

it’s quiet here except for this song
now that everybody’s gone
but hey
least you don’t have to play along today

welcome to
something like elation when you first open your eyes
just cuz it means
that you musta finally got to sleep last night
welcome to
the precipice between groundlessness and flight

it’s quiet here except for this song
now that everybody’s gone
but hey
least you don’t have to play along today

besides which
welcome to
taking the good stuff down off of the shelf
and welcome to
the art of conversation with yourself
welcome to
humming an unbroken tune
all day long
yes it’s quiet here
but hey
least you don’t have to play along today